never to return
to the place i left behind
the scrapple of a life
even well lived

no small thing
choosing to live in a body
different from the one i arrived with

back before trans was visible
i joined the other men
south of market
talking about our shared longings

the secret list we passed around
the hidden society we occupied

where not even other queers
knew our names

fast forward twenty-five years
and now the average joe
thinks he knows us
but doesn’t know who we are
or what makes up our lives

how we fought to get our hormones
our id’s
our right to
move into our identities
without shame

when doctors were our gatekeepers
and we scoured libraries for signs
of our people
back before the internet
or LGBTQ

trans men who used to be lesbians
were cast out as betrayers

while drag queens becoming women were tossed aside
never welcomed in gay bars or other prideful places

no one cared what sports we played or what bathrooms we used
because no one saw us in those spaces
there was no public outcry
because we were irrelevant
invisible

at 0.52 percent at best
we are the margin of your margin
the black dot in your eye
that you cannot seem to shake

your outrage
for our deemed infractions
belies your ancient hatred

scapegoater
badge filled with words
made up to describe who we are not

but we will not go back to your closets
your compartments under the stairs
not for authoritarian idealogues
or parentified haters

not now not ever
not while young people
are bravely claiming who they are

not while our loving families are watching

our lives are not a game
where anyone can weigh in
though i speak
in the tongues of angels
set me free

to hold any trans or nonbinary kid
who needs support

to rush to the aid of anyone who needs it
to stand in my own fantabulous transness
bleeding but not wounded
bellowing into resistance